K, got this from a friend and it's hilarious!! I swear you will laugh out loud. I have been going to the gym 5 days a week for 2 1/2 months now (after taking a break) and I'm loving it!! No pain no gain right? :)
"This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine".
Dear Diary, for my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.Although I am still in great shape since being a high schoolcheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainernamed Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY:Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it waswell worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting forme. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going tobe a FANTASTIC week-!!
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TUESDAY:I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill,but I made the full mile. Brad's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
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WEDNESDAY:The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stairmonster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
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THURSDAY:Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny idiot to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine - which I sank.
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FRIDAY:I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, little punk. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
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SATURDAY:Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
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SUNDAY:I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little twit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds.
4 comments:
Holy Cow!!! Where the heck did you find this girl?? I love her! I am going to print this (if I can figure out how...) and keep it to read every time I hate working out. Too funny!
I KNEW there was a good reason to not go to the gym at MY age! This was hilarious! I can only imagine how she was feeling....
Idaho Chick
I don't know this girl that wrote the journal, it was just an email story that my friend sent me, sorry for the confusion! Yes mom, probably not a good idea at your age, LOL
Can you forward it to me so I can forward it to all my workout girls?? I think this should be framed, or at least made available to all women who decide to start a workout program!
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